[Regia-NA] Entirely OT - but might be amusing to some

[Kathy]

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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!  thanks for the  chuckle
 
katja  
 
off to see how many people she can fwd this too..


J K Siddorn <kim.siddorn@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote:
Why Noah's Ark Was (eventually) Built in the Third World

It had originally been God's intention to build the Ark in God's Own Country, but decided eventually decided that one of
the Colonies had more space, to say nothing of some very curious creatures that would need saving. Being a Compassionate
God, he thought it would be kind to give notice of his intent to turn the Earth into Waterworld and, as Gopher wood was
an endangered species, would allow a little latitude there too.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year I shall make it rain for many days until all the land is flooded.
Verily, the water shall cover the whole earth and all the godless unbelievers shall suffer a soggy death. Thou shalt
find two of every kind of creature that walketh upon the earth or fly over it and take them into the ark, along with
anyone else you can find that still believes in Me. The fish that swim in the waters of the earth you may safely ignore
and I shall see to their good Myself. Take now this stack of plans and specifications, drawn up by Mine Own Hand"

Upon Noah's kitchen table appeared a stack of plans he could not see over and the table groaneth beneath their weight.
With trembling hand, Noah took the top sheet and looked upon God's Handiwork. He noticed that an earlier spec had called
for Bird's Eye Maple for the upper works and Gopher Wood for the hull, but this had been changed to "Available timber
from renewable resources."

"Remember," said the Lord, standing and putting on his hat "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one
year."

A year passed and God looked down upon his servant Noah, only to find him sitting on an upturned bucket with his head in
his hands. He was entirely surrounded by piles of timber and a partly built hull of some size loomed over him in which
lounged a surprising number of men in white aprons smelling of glue.

"Noah!" he shouted. "Where is your Ark?"

"Lord, I beg you forgiveness!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but building arks is not as easy as you might think. I went
to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes, pre-dating them by several millennia. I
had to hire a naval architect to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a fight with the local Environmental Health
authority over just about every aspect of the H&S at work act you could name. When I got that dealt with, the Fire
Brigade ran a study to see whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and the Board of Trade started
insisting on flotation devices.

"Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had
to lodge a Rezoning Application with the City Council & it is now with the Land & Environment Court.

"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting that much timber as it would have
impacted on the Kookaburra. "I finally convinced the Dept of Conservation & Land Management that I needed the wood to
save the kookaburras. However, National Parks & Wildlife won't let me catch any kookaburras; so, no kookaburras, I'm
afraid.

"Around about that time, the carpenters formed a union cell and went on strike for less work and more tea breaks. I had
to negotiate a settlement with the Dept of Industrial Relations before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now, I
have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no kookaburras.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the RSPCA. They objected to me only taking two of each kind
aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Thought it was a bit much.

"Then the Dept of Land and Water Conservation demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a complete set
of UBDs, Melways & a Gregory's road directories.

"The Inland Revenue Service has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country
to avoid paying taxes. I also have to wait for the registration of my ABN for the GST.

"I just got a notice from the Waterways Authority that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark
as a 'recreational water craft'.

"I also need a Boat Drivers Licence but they are debating about how to classify the craft. I am getting continual visits
from Greenpeace, the RSPCA, Work Cover, the Sheriff's Office & numerous other government departments.

"Finally, the Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the court to issue an injunction against further construction
of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the Earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. Right
now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practising
discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

"God, I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky, which had become dark with roiling clouds boiling in from the sea in a most menacing fashion, began to clear.
The sun came out and the cold chill of a weather front melted away. Out in the bay, the water calmed and many ferry
passengers were grateful for it. Across the sky appeared a rainbow, an arc of many coloured hues.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You have relented, oh just and Merciful Lord? Does this mean you will not destroy mankind?"

God smiled. "Yes indeed, but not today, I think I'll have a little more fun before then." He turned to go and squinted
up at the sun. "My boy, get that pile of wood turned into barrels and fill them with fresh water. I think a good, long
drought is what this country needs!"



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<DIV>ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!&nbsp; thanks for the&nbsp; chuckle</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>katja&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>off to see how many people she can fwd this too..</DIV>
<DIV><BR><BR><B><I>J K Siddorn &lt;kim.siddorn@blueyonder.co.uk&gt;</I></B> wrote:</DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE class=replbq style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 2px solid">Why Noah's Ark Was (eventually) Built in the Third World<BR><BR>It had originally been God's intention to build the Ark in God's Own Country, but decided eventually decided that one of<BR>the Colonies had more space, to say nothing of some very curious creatures that would need saving. Being a Compassionate<BR>God, he thought it would be kind to give notice of his intent to turn the Earth into Waterworld and, as Gopher wood was<BR>an endangered species, would allow a little latitude there too.<BR><BR>And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year I shall make it rain for many days until all the land is flooded.<BR>Verily, the water shall cover the whole earth and all the godless unbelievers shall suffer a soggy death. Thou shalt<BR>find two of every kind of creature that walketh upon the earth or fly over it and take them into the ark, along with<BR>anyone else you can find that
 still believes in Me. The fish that swim in the waters of the earth you may safely ignore<BR>and I shall see to their good Myself. Take now this stack of plans and specifications, drawn up by Mine Own Hand"<BR><BR>Upon Noah's kitchen table appeared a stack of plans he could not see over and the table groaneth beneath their weight.<BR>With trembling hand, Noah took the top sheet and looked upon God's Handiwork. He noticed that an earlier spec had called<BR>for Bird's Eye Maple for the upper works and Gopher Wood for the hull, but this had been changed to "Available timber<BR>from renewable resources."<BR><BR>"Remember," said the Lord, standing and putting on his hat "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one<BR>year."<BR><BR>A year passed and God looked down upon his servant Noah, only to find him sitting on an upturned bucket with his head in<BR>his hands. He was entirely surrounded by piles of timber and a partly built hull of some size loomed over him in
 which<BR>lounged a surprising number of men in white aprons smelling of glue.<BR><BR>"Noah!" he shouted. "Where is your Ark?"<BR><BR>"Lord, I beg you forgiveness!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but building arks is not as easy as you might think. I went<BR>to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes, pre-dating them by several millennia. I<BR>had to hire a naval architect to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a fight with the local Environmental Health<BR>authority over just about every aspect of the H&amp;S at work act you could name. When I got that dealt with, the Fire<BR>Brigade ran a study to see whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and the Board of Trade started<BR>insisting on flotation devices.<BR><BR>"Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had<BR>to lodge a Rezoning Application with the City Council &amp; it is now with the Land &amp; Environment
 Court.<BR><BR>"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting that much timber as it would have<BR>impacted on the Kookaburra. "I finally convinced the Dept of Conservation &amp; Land Management that I needed the wood to<BR>save the kookaburras. However, National Parks &amp; Wildlife won't let me catch any kookaburras; so, no kookaburras, I'm<BR>afraid.<BR><BR>"Around about that time, the carpenters formed a union cell and went on strike for less work and more tea breaks. I had<BR>to negotiate a settlement with the Dept of Industrial Relations before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now, I<BR>have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no kookaburras.<BR><BR>"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the RSPCA. They objected to me only taking two of each kind<BR>aboard.<BR><BR>Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an<BR>environmental impact statement on Your
 proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no<BR>jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Thought it was a bit much.<BR><BR>"Then the Dept of Land and Water Conservation demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a complete set<BR>of UBDs, Melways &amp; a Gregory's road directories.<BR><BR>"The Inland Revenue Service has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country<BR>to avoid paying taxes. I also have to wait for the registration of my ABN for the GST.<BR><BR>"I just got a notice from the Waterways Authority that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark<BR>as a 'recreational water craft'.<BR><BR>"I also need a Boat Drivers Licence but they are debating about how to classify the craft. I am getting continual visits<BR>from Greenpeace, the RSPCA, Work Cover, the Sheriff's Office &amp; numerous other government departments.<BR><BR>"Finally, the Australian
 Council for Civil Liberties got the court to issue an injunction against further construction<BR>of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the Earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. Right<BR>now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practising<BR>discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!<BR><BR>"God, I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.<BR><BR>The sky, which had become dark with roiling clouds boiling in from the sea in a most menacing fashion, began to clear.<BR>The sun came out and the cold chill of a weather front melted away. Out in the bay, the water calmed and many ferry<BR>passengers were grateful for it. Across the sky appeared a rainbow, an arc of many coloured hues.<BR><BR>Noah looked up hopefully. "You have relented, oh just and Merciful Lord? Does this mean you will not destroy mankind?"<BR><BR>God smiled. "Yes
 indeed, but not today, I think I'll have a little more fun before then." He turned to go and squinted<BR>up at the sun. "My boy, get that pile of wood turned into barrels and fill them with fresh water. I think a good, long<BR>drought is what this country needs!"<BR><BR><BR><BR>_______________________________________________<BR>list-regia-na mailing list<BR>list-regia-na@lig.net<BR>http://www.lig.net/mailman/listinfo/list-regia-na</BLOCKQUOTE><p><br><hr size=1>Post your free ad now! <a href="http://ca.personals.yahoo.com/"><b>Yahoo! Canada Personals</b></a><br>
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