[Regia-NA] It gets worse

[rmhowe]

 > ----- Original Message -----
 > From: "Jeanne" <jeanne at atasteofcreole.com>
 > To: "list-Regia-NA" <list-regia-na at lig.net>
 > Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 7:26 AM
 > Subject: RE: [Regia-NA] It gets worse
 >>
 >>My eyes!!!!!!!!!!
 >>
 >> In the old Ren fest in New Orleans in the 80s, we had a chick
 >> who, um, came as Raquel Welsh's 1 million BC, but was built
 >> like the mother in Gilbert Grape.  As it was a park, she was
 >> asked to leave. Get this, she refused and as it wasn't Mardi
 >> Gras, she was arrested for indecency and it took 5 cops
 >> to hold her down.  She hurt 2.  I was around 14-ish.
 >> So it made quite an impression on me.

I've seen the results of two small (and separate) inmates who
beat the hell out of seven guards apiece (broken bones even) who
were grateful just to get them back in a cell again and shut
the doors.  Having also been at the NC Women's Prison Riot back
in the mid 70's I know how bad some females can also really be.

ingolf wrote:

> something about renn faires can bring out the most bizarre , although the
> 500 pound man in a red leather (Thong) loincloth from pennsic is still an
> image i cannot cleanse from my retina. was that a european swallow or.......

I think I've seen him years earlier. So much fat you couldn't see the
waist thongs front or back.
That was quite possibly a Tuchuck, and Tuchux (pl) are not SCA.
However, all of the real ones now bear Tribal markings, or so I am told.
A few years ago the powers -what thought- they be tried to ban
anything like a bikini at Pennsic entirely (and elf ears and
fay folk, and goths and vampire sorts) but leather bikinis are
known from England (actual) and Africa (mosaics) in late Roman times.
So early period for the SCA and quite provenancable.

Back then (80's) female Tuchux wrapped themselves like Raquel
Welch in 1 Million BC. I know, I have pictures of the skinny
females in bunny fur bikinis. :)  The males -would- break a camera.

An old friend, and now a Knight, was the first male Scadian ever
to spend the night alive unharmed in their camp with the Tuchux
founder's sister (sorta the princess) and married her.
The females make excellent breeding stock and he has three
fine strong children by her now.
We heard his "I'm gonna get wenched!" first night Pennsic story at
my 50th birthday party several years ago. He expected her (and
others) at his tent that night as he was told and when she
(they) didn't show up he searched -all- of Pennsic in a hormonal
panic until he finally found her.
Spent the rest of Pennsic nights in the Tuchux camp in her tent.
[The man may be deaf to some degree now. As he used to run a
pig farm some things about some other Tuchux may not bother him.]

We have two others (fluff Tuchux as we calls them) in our NC
area who mostly behave and play good SCAdians. The male forbids
one of Atlantia's worst Dukes from attending fighter practices
he holds so I have a certain real and expressed respect for him.

Most of them come from the Pennsylvannia area originally and
base their group theme on the Gor novels. The males are called
Dog Warriors, and many of the females fight as well. Basically
they are suicide troops and have been known to accomplish some
feats in Pennsic battles. Last I saw they still couldn't engineer
an effective siege engine, but they did take one of the castle
towers themselves.

My wife's first encounter with Tuchux was in 1983 before we were
engaged yet, or married as we were in 1985.  She camped below the
hill they once infested (before the Coopers banished them to the
farthest camp from everybody else next to the (God that's far!)
(non-handicapped) parking lot a mile to the north. This entails
a long baking slog from the lower campgrounds across the flat
clay Serenghetti campgrounds (named for the annual African
drought no doubt). Being as how she is in for the longer haul
up steep Runestone Hill first I really doubt if Thora leaves
for the whole two weeks. Thora has trees and a lot less dust.
Then again there is the attraction of the classic
(clothes optional) swimming hole not so far away...
The Tuchux used to be near enough to enjoy that.

Anyway, there Anne was camped below the drumming and mayhem
all night. She likes to camp. (I stayed in a motel like a
sensible human with FMS (we have to be cold to sleep.).)
But we attended various functions together around the camp
and she gratefully showered at the motel. Other SCAdians
were attempting to climb the steep Tuchux hill for a look
at the mysteries going on, and slipping back down the hill.
We visited it once during the day. Rather ratty looking
with hovels and two indian tipis at that time.

One night we were at the bardic fire pit at the Barony
of Settmour Swamp listening to the real music, two rows
from the big dug-in fire pit when...
One of the Tuchux who was attending in standard (for the time)
Tuchux male drag (a leather bikini bottom with a chain up
the crack and around the waist, in 45°F degree weather no less)
came over and bent down to speak to someone directly in
front of Anne's nose - about six inches.  Being drunk and
impervious to the cold, and female sensibilities, he remained
there for a good five to ten minutes. Anne was eyeball to eye
with what she never imagined she'd see. She was well and
truly incensed.

Being guests, and I having given up cigar smoking - which item
would have come in good then for lauching 100 proof old one-eye
into the fire pit for the first ever Tuchux Moon Shot, I let
things be a bit and kept an eye on Anne wondering when she was
going to crack herself and nearly rolling in the dirt myself
trying not to laugh out loud. Make it stop...!
I must say she took it rather well...for someone lacking a sharp
stick... with all the reserve of a Royal lacking a headsman.
I'm quite sure she'll never forget that image on her retinas
either.

She carries a fine sharp little Mora knife at events now...
[and she sleeps with a switchblade on her side of the bed
I gave her. I keep a (non-replica) japanese sword on my side.
Should anyone break in, she has instructions to stay in
bed as I won't be turning the lights on.]
One of our old friend's grandfathers used to fix male cats with
a pocket knife after shoving the front end down an old boot.
I am certain she remembers every detail of that description.
Should deja vu ever happen I'm sure she'll be prepared this time.

Ahh! The joys of behaving as nobility in the Current Middle Ages...

Magnus die Teufel